A NEW HOME??

Well its been a while since my last blog....Quite a bit has gone on in life and in this brain of mine. 

When my brother and I were taken out of our "brutal step mothers hands", removed from our father and sister and the only home we had known and adopted It was a private closed and sealed adoption with a private attorney. The thing we as adult adoptees detest!! Here we go again into a different state to start over. The thing that my adoptive parents NEVER did to us that allot of adoptive parents do to "new kids" was be secretive and/or lie to us. In fact shortly after we had been adopted my brother and I were sitting in the living room with our "new mom and dad" doing a bible study and the phone rang....there was a pause and my mother handed me the phone...the voice on the other end was my FATHER. He said hi baby do you know who this is? At that moment I had major anxiety taking place inside do I answer him correctly and risk being "taken back" (to the abuse and hell) & (hurt my new parents) so I responded yes...and he asked who, I replied ***** (called him by name) he then proceeded to yell at me and told me that he was my daddy and always would be and I love you and then he wanted to speak to my brother. It happened to be be his birthday and the empty promises were made ect.. and that was the last we heard from him. 

That phone call was never mentioned again until many years later. 

I say all that to say this....we always knew our birth (last names) Yes they were changed and sealed in the records. However my adoptive parents never kept this information from us. So when it came time to search...at age 18...I found my birth fathers side first and my birth moms side second because after I found my birth father I asked where my birth mother was and that my friends is a blog for a different time because I am soo not ready to get into all that.....lets just say I'm still working through all the "muddy waters"

Until next time.

The Adoption

It has taken me a while after my last post to bring myself to write another one... recalling my childhood is never an easy task. So here it goes

The abuse continued to get worse as the days went on. My brother and I continued to suffer at the hands of this evil women. She would fill the bathtub with water and mop the floor and then take me and hold my head under the water under until I was gasping and fighting for air. My baby brother in the background crying because he was scared backed into a corner and the next thing I know I was able to come up for air but she has taken him beat him senseless and tied him to the bed and left him there. 

Somehow we were taken to our paternal Aunts house where I made an outcry for help. I told her what was going on. She kept my brother and I and was going to let us stay but my father starting making her life hell. Needless to say she called 911 and CPS was called in. Long story short..My wicked Step mother (who had had another daughter by now) was in parenting classes and my father was told by child protective services that he had to make a choice between his wife (our wicked abusive step mother) and her daughter or my brother and I. He could not do both and we were not to be in the house with her period. WHAT A CHOICE FOR SOMEONE TO HAVE TO MAKE..... He made it alright. He choose HER & my 1/2 SISTER..... so my brother and I were put up for adoption at age 3 and 4. 

One of my Aunts knew of a couple in their church who was looking to adopt so the couple was told about my brother and I and the "private" adoption took place. By the age of 4 and 5 we were officially adopted. 

So this is how I came to be adopted. There is sooo much more to my journey but for now I need to process my thoughts and I pray this helps someone....until next time

Dawn 

My Path to a new home

As comfortable as I am with my own adoption, and how much I adore my parents, I use to wonder growing up how I would connect and or feel once I met my birth parents. The inner child in me long to know.

Let me tell you my story of how I became adopted.

I was born to a mom who was the oldest of 6 kids and a father who was in the military and the half sibling of 4. Together they had me on the base in my mother's home town. This is where we stayed for a while since my dad was stationed there. As I grew, I grew to love my parents and form memories of home. A little over a year and half passed and we were on our way to another state where my dad was stationed for my brother to be born. (one of my first memories I have....more later) He was born with a hole in his heart so they had to have that repaired and all was well after that. So we took a bus back to my mom's home town. We continued to live happily (as far as I recall) until one day we were picked up by my father and whipped away (without our mom) to his home town in another state. Here he divorced her and remarried his 2nd wife. The evil wicked step mother!!!!

At age 3 I am wondering where's mommy? Why is she not here? Why is she not coming for me? I'm scared.

My father never mentions her and acts as though life is just peachy with his new wife. Traveling from base to base. While he is drinking and drugging. While he is away The abuse starts. My brother cries to loud and SHE pulls out the broom and hits him with it. I protest and she back hands me and tells me to shut the hell up and grabs me by the hair of my head and pulls me to the sink to scrub my mouth out with soap over and over until it bleeds and then because I wont stop crying she locks me into a closet for hours. While sitting in the closet I can hear her beating the hell out of my brother and hear his screams. I am wondering to myself ..(silently sobbing for fear of being beat) where's my mommy and daddy) suddenly everything goes silent. I sit still waiting not wanting to upset her again...after what seems like hours, the door is opened and its my daddy. So glad to be rescued from the closet and picked up into his arms, I look around for my baby brother and see that he is in his crib bruised but quite with a bottle. Relieved that for now things are back to normal.

I end with this today...I started this blog for more therapeutic reasons than anything else but I hope in doing so it may help someone else.

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Only GOD can turn a MESS into a MESSage, a TEST into a TESimony, a TRIAL into a TRIumph, a VICTim into a VITory. GOD is GOOD..all the time!